Why has divorce become normal?
In an ideal world, we would all be educated, successful, healthy and for those of us who choose it - happily married. What's more? We would all get it right the first time around. But sadly, in reality we live and learn as we go along. Earlier, women weren't given the luxury of choice when it came to marriage and were expected to stay with the man through hell or high water. Over the years though, parents as well as we, ourselves have become more practical and pragmatic in our approach to the institution. It is well preferred that once you tie the knot, you are one forever; but allowances are now made in case you've been too quick to judge compatibility and such. Hence, divorce rates have shown a significant increase in the last five years.
Why?
"I am going through a divorce right now, and it's only with my friends' support that I found the strength to go through it. My family is completely against my decision even though my husband was unfaithful throughout our marriage. I have made my peace with my decision because I know I did try to make it work," explains Avantika Joshi*, 25.
Besides infidelity, another big reason for the rise in numbers is because women are more now, and this gives them the financial independence to get out of a 'bad' marriage. "I simply got married for the wrong reasons. I was young and I thought that if I loved the man, it would all work out. Now I'm divorced and starting over at 26," sighs Sharmila Gupta*.
Reasons also include emotional or physical abuse and addictions like alcoholism and gambling. "In a bad marriage, especially an abusive one, the woman can now walk out without being judged by society or considered a failure just because her marriage failed," comments Chrisann Almeida- Creado, socio-psychologist. All marriages don't have to be messy. It can also be two adults mutually consenting that they are not compatible with each other. "I also feel that a couple must try harder if they have a child because at the end of the day, a child needs both parents. That being said, constant fighting and bickering is also damaging to a child's emotional development," adds Chrisann.
"I am going through a divorce right now, and it's only with my friends' support that I found the strength to go through it. My family is completely against my decision even though my husband was unfaithful throughout our marriage. I have made my peace with my decision because I know I did try to make it work," explains Avantika Joshi*, 25.
Besides infidelity, another big reason for the rise in numbers is because women are more now, and this gives them the financial independence to get out of a 'bad' marriage. "I simply got married for the wrong reasons. I was young and I thought that if I loved the man, it would all work out. Now I'm divorced and starting over at 26," sighs Sharmila Gupta*.
Reasons also include emotional or physical abuse and addictions like alcoholism and gambling. "In a bad marriage, especially an abusive one, the woman can now walk out without being judged by society or considered a failure just because her marriage failed," comments Chrisann Almeida- Creado, socio-psychologist. All marriages don't have to be messy. It can also be two adults mutually consenting that they are not compatible with each other. "I also feel that a couple must try harder if they have a child because at the end of the day, a child needs both parents. That being said, constant fighting and bickering is also damaging to a child's emotional development," adds Chrisann.
If you want to avoid it
In this mechanised generation, we want everything instantaneously. Hence, we are completely ill equipped at tolerating frustration because we are unable to handle delayed gratification. This means that small misunderstandings get blown up into huge fights, as we lack simple patience. Just the way you break a mobile and get a new one, you can now fight with a spouse and get a new one. Snap! Always try harder and remind yourselves that everything can't happen in an instant, especially with regard to relationships.
Keep these in mind before you say 'I do'
•Even though it is believed that opposites attract, it is like mindedness that sustains a long-term relationship. Both men and women should look for partners with the same values and ideologies or at least make sure that the differences are not to drastic.
•Don't marry just out of love because there is a lot more to a relationship than love.
•Look out for temperamental compatibility, which is the basic nature of your partner that should complement yours. If you put a practical and logical person together with a very emotionally dependent person, there is bound to be trouble later.
•Sexual compatibility is very important for a happy marriage.
Keep an eye out for long silences, passive aggressiveness and failure to communicate. These are signs of a relationship that will turn sour eventually.
•Any kind of abuse shouldn't be tolerated.
•If your partner is too controlling or too clingy and doesn't give you space, problems will arise later.
•Lastly, you have to be happy, be independent financially, physically and emotionally. Your happiness doesn't lie solely in your partner's hands.
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